This is the last anniversary card Mikey had the chance to give me.
He didn't know it would be the last.
I didn't know it would be the last.
I do know that to have and to hold was supposed to be a lifetime.
Today I board a plane to Long Beach. I leave my girls with a dear friend for 48 hours, but with hesitation. I worry if something happens to me. In fact, I called another friend to tell her where my will and other important papers are just in case.
I know, though, that this weekend will be tough. Sunday is our anniversary. October 16th is a day that used to compare in excitement only to my birthday. Both of those days will be tough this year, next year, and I suspect pretty much everyone hereafter, though the ache might become dull and more manageable.
I knew I couldn't be there for my girls this weekend because I'd barely be able to tend to my own emotions. I needed to be selfish for these next 48 hours.
I know Mikey will always be with me, whether I can see him or not.
It may be a scent or a Seinfeld reference.
It may be running into an old friend of his at unexpected place, like the bar at Gramercy Tavern this past Thursday.
He will most certainly be there every time I look into the chocolate eyes he passed onto Isabella and Virginia.
One day we will meet again. I know this in my heart, more so than I've ever believed in anything. He may not be Mikey, and I may not be Jennie, but there will be a moment. A deja vu, where we both wonder, perhaps aloud, "do I know you".
Our hearts will forever be entwined and betrothed to each other.
Even death is not powerful enough to break the bond of a love this deep and true.
Happy anniversary Mikey. I love you.