a leap of faith
It is said that we’re our own worst critics. I’ve always grappled with that thought. A healthy sense of self can only come with proper introspection. Seeking out our imperfections can be a fine line, though, and for me Mikey was always the one who helped balance the extreme standards to which I held myself. His belief and enthusiasm for my work was the wind my sail needed to keep going on, even when publishers and agents said I didn’t have the numbers needed to sign a book.
And then he died. My numbers soared. I wrote a book.
I learned a lot in that process. A lot. The most important takeaway was reaffirming what I already knew—I can’t put my heart into anything I don’t believe in 110%. I am incredibly proud of the work that went into Homemade with Love. I had a team of people who believed in me beyond the numbers. The book designer, Amanda Richmond, had a personal connection, having been a longtime reader here. She captured my essence so perfectly in the look and layout. The photographs, well, when I look at them, I see more than just food. I see myself in them, and I think that is something only a friend could’ve captured. Penny is my friend; she knew me, knew the importance of the story being told.
And then came the second book. I could tell early on, in fact after handing in the first draft of the first 40 pages, that something didn’t feel right. After a month of hard thinking, and trying to find a resolution that would satisfy both myself and my publisher, it became clear that the relationship had run its course. Better to leave on the high note with a beautiful book in hand.
My scheduled second book, a memoir, was one story that I couldn’t compromise on. I’m still living. My girls may one day read it. It’s about my life, and the only person capable of shaping that story is the person living it.
It left me in a quandry. How do I keep on doing what I love, and on my terms? Is it possible to straddle the line between the world of self-publishing, and traditional publishing, a toe in each one, to satisfy all the desires and needs I have as a writer? Just writing about this seems a bit taboo. What will other publishers think? We shall see. I’ve since signed with an incredible new agent, that makes me feel like Mikey’s in my corner again, cheering me on. Katherine has an energy, and excitement, for my work that is infectious, in the best of ways. Together we’re working on a proposal for a new cookbook that I know is one this world needs.
Before we met, and signed to work with each other, I had thrown all my energies into launching my own magazine-style journal. In a way, I think everything timed out perfectly. By time I met Katherine, my work on Simple Scratch Cooking: a homecook’s journal for making easy, everyday meals was well on its way to fruition. There was no turning back. I had to take this leap of faith on myself. Yesterday was the moment of truth. As I looked at the proofs, I decided to jump. I placed the first printing order, and made a “soft” announcement about it.
What followed has truly humbled me.The orders have been steadily flowing in, and I wonder if I’ll need to do a second printing. Could that really be possible? I felt a little guilty for not sharing it here first, but didn’t want to inundate all of you on my subscription list with too many emails. The first issue is in final production now, and will arrive at my house for packing and shipping around October 15th. Provided there are no delays with shipping, I’ll spend the 16th, the day that would’ve been our 10th wedding anniversary, stuffing, labeling, and sending out the first volume in what will be a quarterly journal filled with recipes, essays, and a peek at the memoir.
Before Michael passed away, I always imagined we’d have a celebration to renew our vows. It’s funny how the journal’s production schedule just so happened to work out like this. I suppose in a way the 16th will be a renewal of vows, a renewal of promises to myself, and a reminder that I need to keep believing in my own worth, and work, as strongly as he did.
Right now the journal is available for sale online only. If you know of a local store that might like to carry it, please feel free to put them in touch me with at email@example.com. I can discuss it further with them. Here’s the link to purchase it for yourself, and if you order before October 15th, I set up a special code to receive a 10% discount. Thank you. Thank you so very much for being the best readers ever.
Music Pairing: Roar by Katy Perry
***UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who has pre-ordered the journal. The demand was so incredible that the first printing has SOLD OUT. A second printing has been ordered. All magazine orders placed after 10/5/14 will be sent out the first week of November. Thank you for patience, support, and enthusiasm for this new venture.***
Beautifully written. Couldn’t have put it into words better. I’m sure someone is definitely in your corner, smiling down on you and is the head of the cheering squad. He’d be proud! Love ya! xo
I am so pleased that you have taken this leap of faith and produced your first magazine! I just purchased it.
I have loved your cookbook from the start and it is the most used one at our house.
All the best continuing with your journey.
Joan Bianco said just what I was thinking…beautifully written!
What an honest, heartfelt post, Jennie! It took my breath away. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Your strength in the face of it all is inspiring!
Uh oh guess who’s got their pom poms out? I’m so very proud of you.♥
Mardi (eat. live. travel. write.)
Jennie, so proud. You go girl! (heading on over to order right now!)
This post just made my morning. You are in excellent hands with Katherine!
I’ve only commented here a few times, but I’ve faithfully been reading since my introduction to your site after M’s death. The day he died was my wedding anniversary, a day that is now bittersweet for me as my own marriage has fallen apart (though certainly not the same as losing M the way you did.) While you did not chose the path your story took and I did chose mine, I hope that I am able to move down it with the strength and courage you’ve moved down yours. I’m not religious, but I do believe people cross paths for a reason and maybe my path crossing yours was to help me understand that if someone not given a choice can be strong and make it on her own, so can I. I know that I don’t know you personally and that you only share bits and pieces of what you want us to see online, but you have been an inspiration to me and I wanted you to hear it. All the best to you in all of your ventures. I will support them in all ways that I can. Jamie R.
Jennie, Pat yourself on the back for the distance you’ve traveled in such a short time. You are a true inspiration for all of us. Congrats on the new book and its imminent success!
i am in heaven…just ordered your magazine! and three cheers to YOU! xoxo
How exciting! Congratulations 🙂 I can’t wait to order/receive. Also, I think our little, beautiful downtown bookstore (Little Joe’s Coffee & Books) in Katonah would love to carry this. I will pass on the info at storytime next week !
Thank you for such a thoughtful note. I really do appreciate you sharing with me here. I, too, believe the same thing about paths crossing for certain reasons.
Thank YOU Alison! xo-Jennie
I can’t wait to receive my copy. Please start an email list or something for the journal…I don’t want to miss a copy…or maybe an annual subscription for it? 🙂 🙂
I can’t believe you haven’t shared this exciting news until now! What a great achievement. I’m inly sad I’m in the UK and can’t order a copy. Do let us know if you start doing international shipping. Good luck with the first issue!
International shipping is available for the journal, and rather affordable at $7.50. I’m also looking into digital downloads for future issues, just an FYI.
I eagerly anticipate the feeling of having your journal in my hands, thumbing through and figuring out what to make first!
And Jennie, thank you for being you.
Jennie — I just read Simple Scratch Cooking from cover to cover, and loved it. I’ve been reading your blog for years (mostly lurking) and want you to know how much I love reading your words and cooking your recipes. I’m so excited to see where this journey takes you!
LOVE your new venture, and the recipes in it! Already have tried several and they are keepers. Thank you and congratulations on its success!
Hi Jennie – I received my copy of Simple Scratch Cooking this week and I just love it! I also have homemade with love and I just love that too!
I think the peanut butter swirl brownie is at the top of my list for this weekend!
Thanks so much for doing what you do ~ I look forward to future issues…to be continued… 🙂
Friday food links – 10 Oct 2014 | Using Mainly Spoons
[…] food magazines keep popping up at the moment. If you’re lucky enough to live in the US, Jennifer Perillo is publishing her own quarterly magazine on Simple Scratch Cooking. If you’re in the UK, you can always buy her cookbook […]