In Jennie's Kitchen

finding my mojo {apple allspice muffins}

I wish I could tell you I baked that muffin up above. I did some time ago, two years to be precise. That's when I first developed the recipe. It's a good muffin, that much I promise you. I think it even has the power to break me from this malaise I feel every time I glance around the kitchen these days.

I wouldn't exactly call what I've been doing cooking lately. It's more surviving, making the same few things I can practically prepare with my eyes closed. It's all homemade stuff—marinara sauce and mac n' cheese have been staples. We've also been ordering-in once a week, which is huge considering before Mikey died, we barely had takeout once a month.

Right now it feels like I'm in limbo. The house is littered with moving boxes, each room a little done, but not quite complete. The first box was the hardest—it was our cds. Music was as vital to Mikey as oxygen, and knowing he wouldn't be listening to them anymore, or taking his guitar off the wall to play for us had me in tears almost instantly.

All these boxes piling up has me antsy, and are a reminder of the greatest gift Mikey ever gave me—a sense of home. A real home, one I could grow some roots in. I didn't have this as a kid. My parents moved every year or two, and by time I met Michael, at 21 years old, I'd already moved a dozen times.

This little nest we created here in Brooklyn, is the only place that ever felt like home.

And now it doesn't.

The surroundings look familiar, but the essence is gone. So as I pack, and wonder how I'm supposed to move forward, how I'm supposed to do this without him, I fight the lump that wells up in my throat. I try to stifle back the hot tears in the corner of my eyes. The hardest part of grief, for me at least, is the inexplicable pain and feeling that this hole in my heart will never heal. I'm a realist, and don't spend a lot of time on the "why".

I accepted a long time ago that certain things just are, but this one has me stumped. I know it's only Day 79, and honestly when people tell me to go easy on myself, it's drives me crazy. Unless you've experienced a loss like this you can't understand that missing someone so immensely is not being hard on yourself—it's simply grief, and going through it is not easy. My best advice for anyone trying to comfort someone grieving is just be there with a smile and shoulder, but wait for a cue.

Don't try to fix what is out of your control. It will only push the person further away.

But I'm here right now to talk about muffins, so let tell you what made me think of them. I went to the farmers' market for the first time in 17 days. Yes, 17 days folks. I couldn't believe it myself when I did the math.

I was on my way to the train station in Brooklyn Heights, and before I popped down into the subway, I remembered it was Tuesday and there was the market at Borough Hall. I wasn't going to visit at first. With the move in just nine days, I know there won't be a lot of cooking right now. Still, I was curious to see the fall bounty.

As I walked towards the Red Jacket Orchards stand, I felt the tears begin to trickle. The first apple season without Mikey. I almost turned and walked away. The thought of seeing all those apples was too overwhelming, a reminder of what used to be.

What will never be again.

Such emotion, over an apple. And that's when it hit me. Those apples could still bring me joy. Baking the recipes he loved eating and breathing in the warm spice scent as it fills the house could keep me connected to him. The memories are reminders of good times we shared together. So, as I prepare to celebrate our first Halloween without Mikey, I'm going to share a homemade treat he loved at Isabella and Virginia's class parties this week. I even scored some cute holiday muffin liners and toothpicks on sale at Sur La Table.

I'm not going to be afraid of any ghosts this year, In fact, I wouldn't mind if one of them came for a special visit.

Apple Allspice Muffins

makes 12

The original post gives some back story about this recipe. If you're curious why I choose to grate the apples, then it's definitely worth a read.

For the crumb topping:

2 tablespoons butter, melted

1 tablespoon granulated sugar

2 tablespoons brown sugar

1/2 cup all purpose flour

For the muffins:

3 cups all purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon allspice

8 tablespoons butter, softened

1/2 cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs

1 cup sour cream

2 cups peeled, shredded apples

Preheat oven to 375º.  Grease or line a 12-cup muffin tin with liners.  For the topping, mix all the ingredients together in small bowl with a fork  until it forms a wet, sandy mixture; set aside.

For the muffins, mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and all pice in a medium bowl; set aside. In a separate medium-sized bowl, beat the butter and sugar on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about three minutes.  Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each one.

Beat in one third of the dry ingredients, then add one-third of the sour cream. Alternating between dry ingredients and sour cream, repeat until all ingredients have been incorporated.  Using a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, stir in the apples. 

Evenly spoon the batter into the prepared muffin tins.  Sprinkle each muffin even with en equal amount of the crumb topping.  Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until golden brown and a toothpick inserted comes out mostly clean—it's okay if there are a few dry crumbs.

asparagus & creme fraiche "crepe"

As I reached into the pots and pans drawer for a skillet, my hand took hold of the crepe pan. Good sense stepped aside momentarily, and I knew this would not create a traditional omelet as I'd set out to make. I knew the eggs would quickly roll to the edges, creating a paper-thin sheet, more akin to a flourless crepe than the fluffy texture of an omelet one would expect from a recipe titled as such.

Still, I moved forward, unable to control myself. I was curious, and that is always good in the kitchen. It is what moves us to create something new. The disasters and flops are the pitfalls and rights of passage as a recipe developer.

So to create the best possible image as we talk about this, let's agree to call it an egg crepe, okay? Before I set out to make my egg crepe, I prepped the asparagus. See, that's really how this all started. I bought my first bunch of the season at the farmers' market a few days ago, and was eager to do something with it—just a few spears to tide me over until I could use them more substantially.

A few drops of water in a ceramic dish and 60 seconds in the microwave were all it took to cook three pencil-thin spears. No boiling water. No extra pots to clean. No strainer. They were done before I had time to crack and beat the eggs.

As expected the egg scurried to the edges of the pan as soon it hit the hot buttered surface. I placed the asparagus on top, added a few dollops of creme fraiche and at the last minute decided a pinch of smoky paprika would add some oomph. I folded my omelet, ahem, crepe, then left the pan on the heat a few seconds longer than I should've.

At least longer than I thought I should've.

As the creme fraiche started to ooze out I decided it would need more tweaking before it I could share it with all of you. It was not what I had visualized as the dish came to life seconds earlier in my mind.

Then I tasted it, and the corners of my mouth began to curl upwards, a smile coaxed by the creamy, spice-flecked mistake I'd happened upon. Turns out the delicate creme fraiche sauce, as it shall now be known from this moment forward, was an elegant touch to a seemingly simple breakfast.

Asparagus & Creme Fraiche "Crepe"

serves one

Good quality ingredients always make the difference, but especially so here. Farm fresh eggs, homemade creme fraiche—if you have it, and pencil thin asparagus, just coming into season right now really elevate such a humble sounding dish.

You can prepare the asparagus two ways. Either roast a big batch, and keep it in the fridge to use throughout the week, or simply steam what you need for this recipe. I did the latter since this was a spur of the moment breakfast, and placed a few spears in a ceramic dish, then cooked them in the microwave for one minute.

2 eggs

Sea salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste

Butter, to coat the pan

3 spears pencil asparagus, steamed or roasted

2 dollops of creme fraiche

Generous pinch of smoked paprika

Beat the eggs lightly in a small bowl. Season with salt and pepper; set aside.

Melt a thin pat of butter in a 9-inch crepe pan over medium heat. Add the eggs, and swirl the pan, lifting edges with the tip of a butter knife so any uncooked egg can "fall" underneath. When the top of the eggs look mostly cooked, add the dollops of creme fraiche, sprinkle with the parika, and place the asparagus on top and. Fold the right third of the egg over the filling, then fold the left third of the egg on top to close the omelet (kind of like the way you would fold a sheet of paper in thirds). Let cook for 30 to 60 seconds more, just until the creme fraiche starts to ooze out.

Transfer to a dish and serve immediately.

concord grape muffins

 

I felt pangs of guilt during my farmers' market shop last weekend. I mean, I'm supposed to love spring and summer, right? After the long frost of winter subsides, the glimpse of a scarlet hued strawberry sends me giggling with excitement. In fact, there are still some available, an oddity, really, for this time of year.

And the raspberries and blackberries. What are you guys still doing around? Don't get me wrong, it's been a lovely summer, plucking piece after piece to eat as-is or bake in a tart. But you've had your turn. It's time to call it a season and let others have their day in the sun.

Usually my first visit to the market after vacation is filled with regret. If only I'd canned one more jar of peaches, or made fresh tomato bruschetta more often. This year, though, a wave of excitement washed over me. While I've been a firm believer in eating locally and seasonally, this is the first time I'm really okay with saying goodbye to my summer loves.

make your own "eggy"

I love starting the day with a good egg dish—especially now that our local Greenmarket is open and the fridge is stocked with Grazin' Angus Acres eggs. My favorite, quick, healthy prep is to poach them, but that "eggy" you see above has been making a play for the number one spot at our breakfast table. It's basically a spruced up frittata that finishes in the oven instead of a death defying flip in the pan.

I first saw this dish on Martha Stewart, prepared by Darius Salko, chef at Tini in Providence, Rhode Island. It looked lovely as-is but I decided to go in a different direction and jazz it up a bit. My version is a never ending carousel of ingredients since I add whatever leftover sauteed vegetables I have in the fridge. I also changed the spelling because I think "eggy" looks so much nicer than "eggie", don't you?

This is one of those dishes that is so simple and good, it seems silly to confine it to one definitive recipe, though I am giving you one start out with as a base. Chef Salko's recipe calls for sourdough bread—I've used challah, ciabatta and even day or two-old French bread. Instead of adding herbs, I've used fresh arugula and more recently sauteed spinach—the one above had some shallots and dried cherries in it too (and that gooey melted cheese is thinly sliced fresh mozzarella).

And, frankly, there's nothing better than a splash of cream in scrambled eggs. Top it with some grated Parmesan, a few dollops of homemade tomato jam, and it's pure happiness on a plate. Quick, easy and it can even double as dinner—my poaching days may be going on hiatus.

lemon blueberry muffins + half white flour

There is a fine line between being a "know it all" and a confident learner. Life has too much to offer to think we can possibly consume, let alone understand it all before our physical time on this earth is done.

And yet, there is an exceeding pressure, on kids and adults alike, to be perfect. It's an unrealistic goal. And a boring one too. Heck, if we become perfect, what pleasure would there be in waking each morning?

Three years ago when I ventured out on a freelance career, I had one main goal in mind—never miss a school event, recital or bringing birthday cupcakes to my daughter's classroom ranked pretty high up there. I knew what kind of mother I wanted to be. I wanted to be active and involved. I wanted to pick her up from school each day and talk about her favorite part—always lunch and recess, and her least favorite—none to report so far, which is good, I think.

That idyllic situation seems like a fairytale most days. Two kids later, a mountain of homework and studying to be done—she's only in first grade for heaven's sake, sometimes the things I wanted to cherish just feel like a chore.

That is until bedtime. Yes, I'll admit, I'm excited come 7:30pm because it means I'm close to reclaiming some "me" time. But it's also the time we unwind and get lost in a book. Oh, the way the baby's fingers dance across the bookcase until she finds just the right one. She then backs up into my lap—or daddy's if he's home from work in time, and gets comfy for a story. Good Night Gorilla is a favorite right now, as are some French board books we bought to help her sister with school.

Once she goes to bed, it's Isabella's turn. She takes out her level books, and now that she's becoming an accomplished reader, she actually enjoys this part of the evening. Before it was a struggle, and honestly it used to drive me and the Mr. crazy. I mean, I'm a writer and we both have a fierce love of books. How could we possibly have birthed a non-reader? She had to come into reading on her own terms, as with every milestone she's reached so far.

Wondering how I'm going to connect this to those blueberry muffins, eh? Easy. Venturing into any unknown territory is always frightening to some degree. Whether it's worrying about decoding language or wondering if a recipe you have in mind will really work, it's a constant reminder that life is about taking chances. Think of it as the eternal search for the unknown—then hit rewind because after we crack one code, we inevitably move on to another quest.

But the muffins. What is so special about these blueberry muffins. You may also be asking why am I making blueberry muffins when berry season is long off. I went crazy buying them up at the farmers' market last year, and thankfully have a stash left in the freezer. I also bought a big bag of Wyman's frozen wild blueberries. And if you live in NYC, check your local Greenmarket. I've seen a few farmers selling some frozen ones from last year's harvest.

But I'm misleading you. After all, frozen blueberries are not that special to warrant this long-winded lesson on patience, learning and open-mindedness. I'm talking about the flour I used to make them. I came across it at the Grand Army Plaza Greenmarket. It's local organic "half-white" from Farmer Ground Flour. The label describes it as a medium protein bread flour, commonly referred to as brown flour in Europe, that "retains some of the bran and germ for nutrition and flavor".

Oh, one more thing. I should probably tell you I don't like whole wheat flour. It's too earthy for my palate. I love mushrooms, and that fresh dirt smell they impart when you get them fresh picked from the farmers' market, but please keep it out my baked goods. So, it was with a little apprehension that I bought a sack of this expensive flour—$6 for a two pound bag. Still, I was intrigued at the idea of tasting a locally milled flour. When I got home, a google search pointed me to this website for a Croatian product that looked similar, but that was about it. It seems to be relatively unknown, otherwise.

On first inspection, this flour looked and felt beautiful. It was quite soft in texture, almost like cake flour, and didn't have that strong scent of regular whole wheat flour. My mother-in-law was coming that evening for her 79th birthday celebration, so I decided to use it in a lemon-glazed raspberry cake. A risky, if not insane decision considering I'd never worked with this flour before and I was developing a new recipe.

smashed brown potatoes + weekend brunch picks

Now that the Thanksgiving dishes are done, I have a few minutes to let you know my brunch picks for the weekend. The picture you're looking at above is my version of hash browns using leftover mashed potatoes. Next week I'll share my recipe for the best cranberry sauce ever. If you think the garnet-hued stuff is just for turkey day, this recipe will change your mind. I'm stocking up on cranberries and plan on canning some to give as holiday gifts this year.

weekend brunch picks

Thought I'd start something new this weekend, so here are a few brunch picks from past posts. Whether you're having a cozy breakfast with your family, entertaining friends or lucky enough to get an invite where someone else cleans up the dishes, here are a few of my favorite recipes that'll brighten up the bread basket this weekend.

 

apple allspice muffins

brown butter bourbon banana bread

 cinnamon buns