it's all happening...{day 155}

I look at this photo of us, sharing a kiss during a Cape Cod sunset, and it reassures me he was happy. People have a way of losing themselves in parenthood. It's a constant juggle, and often one half of the couple is left feeling they have more than their fair share of balls to keep in the air.

We were no exception.

But the way his eyes are closed in this picture, the way his lids rest gently on his lower lashes, they tell me he found peace with me. The same deep brown eyes that, when open, spoke volumes when not a single word was being uttered—they do the same thing in this moment captured, but they are closed.

Months after Michael and I started dating, I remember snuggling my head in his chest, and saying it was my favorite place in the world. I continued to tell him that as days turned into years, and the other night I found myself burrowing my head into his pillow, in search of the warmth that crook of his chest gave me for 16 years.

A few days after this past Thanksgiving, an email came from my literary agent. The subject was simple, with just two words—"an offer". My breath stopped momentarily. Then a tingling sensation spread to my fingertips. I happened to be in our old apartment at the time, working while the sitter was at our new home with the girls.

It felt very fitting, and surreal to call Stacey back and talk about the offer. That kitchen was where it all started, the seedlings of an idea nurtured, Michael's words always encouraging me to dream big. Now, I have the chance to move forward on my terms.

For the next two years, as I write two books for Running Press, there will be an invisible tether between my two lives—the one with Mikey, and the one without. I think these two amazing projects will allow me to weave a bridge with words to eventually feel like a whole person again.

I've been working on the cookbook proposal for two years. It is a part of the life we shared together. Mikey is even the one who came up with the title City Girl, Country Kitchen. I racked my brains for countless hours, and then in one five minute conversation I explained my goal for the book to him and the words City Girl, Country Kitchen rolled off tongue with such ease, I was envious.

Mikey, this is what I would've had waiting for you when you walked in the door as a toast to this very big dream we both shared. I love you baby.

The Celebration

serves one

I've been on a non-alcholic cocktail spree for a week now. I love how a drink can be complex, and filled with layers of flavors but nary a drop of liquor. Go for "top shelf" ingredients here, as you would if making a boozy elixir.

Freshly squeezed juice of 1 blood orange

1/2 teaspoon good quality maple syrup

2 dashes of orange bitters

Seltzer, to top off the glass

Burnt orange peel, for garnish

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add the juice, syrup and bitters. Seal the top and shake vigorously until beads of sweat form on the outside of the shaker. Pour into an old fashioned cocktail or martini glass, garnish with the burnt orange peel to serve.

 

How to make a burnt orange

Just before serving the cocktail, light a match, or use a lighter, to release the essential oils from the orange peel. Do this by holding the peel with the white, pith side up, and waving the flame underneath over the outer skin of the orange peel.

Comments

[Svasti]

Congratulations, and how wonderful. What a special way to be able to give your hubby's memory a place in the stars.

[Katie @ Katie Without Restrictions]

You're an inspiration Jennie! Congratulations, I know Mikey is celebrating with you.

[Cindy]

I have followed your story since Mikey died. You capture so well what a widow goes through, what this journey is truly like. I am approaching the six year mark in my own journey and I want to say thank you for sharing so honestly. Your book will be a balm for those who share this road-lending some sanity to an insane reality.
At six years I finally feel like I have bridged the gap of the old life and the new life and have found a place where happiness and even new love are possible. I treasure my past and am able to embrace my future. I know the same is in your future.
My love, thanks and admiration to you and your girls. I wish you all the best in your new adventure. I have no doubt Mikey is right beside you all the way.

[Mel]

Dear Jennie, this is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it - and though we don't know each other I feel so happy for you about this news on the book! Congratulations! I look forward to reading it and reading your posts in the meantime.

[Tracey]

Jennie
How exciting for you. And of course at the same time, as it will be, sad.As you know, you have a way of bringing tears to my eyes, at such an early time of the day for me!( I go to work at 6 am) I am envious of you---maybe it will encourage me to start my book too.Hope you have had some comforting signs from Mikey.
Hugs,
Tracey

[Maria]

Yeah!!! A BIG congrats piasano girl!! this is just such nice news that you shared with us. I don't want to call it a diversion, because nothing will ever make you forget Mikey, but it will be nice to have a project like this to work on to keep you busy. I'm very happy for you, but one question is, when I purchase my copy of "the book" if I mail it back to you will you autograph it for me? >VBG<

[elissapr]

This is incredible news! I'm so excited for you! Yay!

[Shelby @ Lady Gouda]

Congrats, Jennie! I was so hoping this was in the works. I am floored by the double book concept. Best of luck as you continue to write, create and remember. We are all rooting for you.

[Sunchowder - Wendy Read]

I offer my sincere congratulations to you Jennie. I understand that this is bittersweet for you, but hopefully this will give you two years of graceful healing.

[Jacqueline]

I hope these are the first of many big dreams to come true. Congratulations!

[Rachel Willen@Foodfix]

Congrats Jenny! Live the dream!

[lori]

Congratulations, Jennie!!!!!!

[Winnie]

Wonderful news! Huge congrats and very warm wishes as you embark on these book projects, Jenny :)

[StephRussell26]

Congratulations Jennie on your newest endeavors. Really bittersweet, of course, but exciting nonetheless. Can't wait for your books to come out! Best of luck to you.

[Belinda]

I love the non-alcoholic, yet beautiful drink you made! I love beautiful drinks but don't "hold my liquor" well or find that some have way too much liquor in them! Thanks for sharing this one!

I "found" you through another blogger when they were making Mikey's pie in remembrance and honor of him. I am now a follower of you and am your 'friend' in Illinois cheering you on as you continue on in life while missing Mikey. My heart reaches out to yours. Congratulations on your offer! I look forward to hearing about your progress and to seeing the final product in my home!:-)
Best,
Belinda

[movita beaucoup]

Congrats, dear lady! Oh, how I hope this is the beginning of new things and a lighter heart... Best wishes!

[Allison]

Congratulations on your book deals, Jennie! I will be rooting for you and look forward to adding them to my collection :)

[Maggie at Eat Boutique]

ahh, I love a cocktail and there wasn't a better occasion!

[Terri Moreno]

I look forward to each and every post from you! I admire your courage and strength to move ahead with despite everything you have gone thru. You also have made me appreciate my husband even more!! We will be celebrating 13 years together in a few weeks. Congratulations on your book deal and I look forward to buying a copy!! Maybe I will meet you at a signing someday!!! Good Luck!!!

[Laura]

Congratulations, that is wonderful news and very much deserved. I am sure both books will be amazing.

[Erin]

Congratulations! I know it is all very bittersweet...but I hope that the projects will be therapeutic. I'm sure he is so proud of you.

[Ushi]

Mozeltov!! I am so happy for you! You are amazing. -- my husband died in June and I learned that I can be happy within the sadness. Wishing you the best!!!

[Mari in Chicago]

Congratulations!!!! I can't think of a better way to ring in the new year and a new way to rebuild your life. Enjoy your new adventure.

[Lynne]

Congrats on your book. Widowhood is not the place I wanted to be in my life. But your blog is a great place to park.

[rachel]

So happy to hear great news from you. This is wonderful for your whole family. Enjoy it! I know your books will be special ones.