for mikey

This is where his wedding ring used to rest.

Nestled on the fourth finger of his left hand is where it belongs. It was supposed to be there for decades to come, but tonight it hangs from my neck.

I took this picture on our last date. He had just come off an insanely busy project at work. We had to cancel a family getaway because work got too busy. When the project delivered, Mikey finally took a much needed day off, having worked nine in a row.

The moment I heard he was taking off, I cleared my work schedule. Deadlines were the least of my priorities. We finally had the chance to walk, hand-in-hand, during daylight hours—the fact that it reached 102ºF didn't matter to me.

I had no idea that three weeks exactly from that last date I'd be gathering with my closest friends and family to say goodbye to him. I'm trying not to think of it as such, and believe in my heart that we will meet again...some day.

As I spend Friday reflecting on the love and life that was gone in an instant, I'd like to invite all of you to celebrate his life too. Mikey loved peanut butter cream pie. I haven't made it in a while, and I've had it on my to-do list for a while now.

I kept telling myself I would make it for him tomorrow. Time has suddenly stood still, though, and I'm waiting to wake up and learn to live a new kind of normal. For those asking what they can do to help my healing process, make a peanut butter pie this Friday and share it with someone you love. Then hug them like there's no tomorrow because today is the only guarantee we can count on.

 

Creamy Peanut Butter Pie

Serves 10 to 12

8 ounces chocolate cookies

4 tablespoons butter, melted

4 ounces finely chopped chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate chips

1/4 cup chopped peanuts

1 cup heavy cream

8 ounces cream cheese

1 cup creamy-style peanut butter

1 cup confectioner's sugar

1 – 14 ounce can sweetened condensed milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

Add the cookies to the bowl of a food processor and pulse into fine crumbs.  Combine melted butter and cookie crumbs in a small bowl, and stir with a fork to mix well.  Press mixture into the bottom and 1-inch up the sides of a 9-inch springform pan. 

Melt the chocolate in a double boiler or in the microwave.  Pour over bottom of cookie crust and spread to the edges using an off-set spatula.  Sprinkle chopped peanuts over the melted chocolate. Place pan in the refrigerator while you prepare the filling.

Pour the heavy cream into a bowl and beat using a stand mixer or hand mixer until stiff peaks form.  Transfer to a small bowl and store in refrigerator until ready to use.  Place the cream cheese and peanut butter in a deep bowl.  Beat on medium speed until light and fluffy.  Reduce speed to low and gradually beat in the confectioner's sugar.  Add the sweetened condensed milk, vanilla extract and lemon juice. Increase speed to medium and beat until all the ingredients are combined and filling is smooth.

Stir in 1/3 of the whipped cream into the filling mixture (helps lighten the batter, making it easier to fold in the remaining whipped cream).  Fold in the remaining whipped cream.  Pour the filling into the prepared springform pan.  Drizzle the melted chocolate on top, if using, and refrigerate for three hours or overnight before serving.

 

Comments

[Mardi@eatlivetravelwrite]

Jennie, you know my heart is breaking for you and the girls but I am taking comfort in your strength right now. What a beautiful tribute. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts this Friday and beyond. XOX

[Andrea]

Consider it done.... a peanut butter pie this Friday it is.

Wish I was making it because of a different prompt than this one tho. :-(

Praying for you & your children, dear heart.

xoxoxoxoxo

[Dan]

Beautiful..

[tea_austen]

Oh, Jennie. Sending you and your girls the hugest hug in the world. One peanut butter pie, coming right up, and a sorrowful heart. xox

[Móna Wise]

Jennifer,
Words cannot convey how I feel for you.
Sending you all our strength from Ireland.
Móna xx

[Tara]

I have only spent 7 short years with my other half and yet I cannot imagine a life without her ever again. It is hard to fathom your pain now- the loss that you are reeling from, the hurt, even anger. I cannot fathom how you get up and trudge those heavy steps forward (although I can imagine that your beautiful girls aid in giving you strength.) I haven't the right words to offer you comfort because I am sure that even trying to imagine how your heart and mind tear at each other now is laughable unless someone has experienced the same loss. I will say to you, though, that I offer you and your family up in my prayers... That you may find solace in this madness, comfort through the pain, wisdom to find ways to keep going, and the ability to keep Mikey's love in the forefront of your heart and mind; always.

[shefellinthewell@gmail.com]

"Today is the only guarantee we can count on." Great words. Sorry for your loss in a hard way. My prayers to you. Xo

[Nicole]

I am so so sorry for your loss. Every recipe, every post has been an inspiration and I've loved every recipe I've tried. This sounds delicious and I'll make it for my family.

[Luisa]

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you and your daughters.

[Sharon Miro]

Oh. My.
My late husband loved cream pies. His favorite was chocolate banana cream. But he would have loved this pie too. This week I will make it for him, and for Mikey.

[Concretemoomin.wordpress.com]

I just wanted to say that I only heard of you when this sad news was tweeted the other day. Since then you have been in my thoughts and I can't begin to imagine how you are coping. I am getting married in 10 days so i think the emotions tied up with that mean that your news really hit me and made me realise how lucky I am. You will be in my thoughts today, Friday and no doubt into the future. I wish you lots of love and strength.xx

[Sarah]

You're one special lady Jennifer and I'm so happy our children helped our paths cross. Stay brave and strong gorgeous lady. XX

[Jordana]

All of my love and prayers go to you and your girls. Your words are beautiful. I'm truly moved. Stay strong, the world is thinking of you.

[Christine Rudalevige]

This I can certainly do. And I will tell the eaters of this pie of its pay it forward importance. Thank you for sharing the recipe.

[Sugar Daze/Cat]

Jennifer, I cannot fathom the tragedy that has befallen you and your family. I am a mom of 2 too and I have been thinking about you non-stop since I heard your sad news. I am so sorry for you and your girls; I will never understand when someone in the prime of their life is suddenly gone. It's true that we so often forget to stop and smell the flowers in this crazy thing called life. I am taking your words to heart and am sending you lots of love and support from Paris.

[Mairi @ Toast]

A beautiful post, will most definitely make the pie, it sounds delicious & keeping you & yours in my thoughts & prayers.

[Kathryn]

I'm so sorry for your loss but I'm in awe of how strong you are. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[Jessica]

Jennifer, my heart, thoughts, prayers and love all go out to you. Though we were just starting to chat (thanks to YummyMummy's Rabbit Cake) I enjoyed our tweets and banter.
Thank you for sharing this recipe. We have a family dinner every friday night, I will definitely be making this, and sharing it with my family that I love so very much.

[Maria]

Jennie, this is a beautiful tribute to your husband. We all show our love, and heal, in different ways; one of your ways is cooking, and it seems fitting. This is a pie made with love for the person that handed you that Newsweek paper clip all those years ago about becoming a personal chef. He knew you loved doing this. I keep thinking of a post you wrote a few weeks back titled Why I Cook, and it was obvious that it is because you love and have a big heart. I am sure Mikey is smiling from heaven because you are making this for him.

[Nancy @SensitivePantry]

Jennie - The love you and Mikey (and your girls) share has traveled the world these past few days. While you undoubtedly see the outpouring of love and grief on your behalf I'd like you to know the intensity of the emotions you and your family are feeling have reached us--they're palpable. We physically feel your love and pain. And, the love you are sending--that's something that will last you and Mikey an eternity. Though we barely know each other please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything. My heart is with you.

[Colleen]

Dearest Jennifer,I just happened to come upon your blog today and I have no words - only tears to offer. I am so very very sorry for your and your girls great loss! How devastating a sudden death is. I am just so pleased for you that you had that last date. I will be making one with my hubby too. It is SO important because life has no guarantees and it is a part of life to take our loved ones for granted. I will be making this stunning pie tomorrow and will share it with mine on Friday. Sending you a warm comforting hug from Cape Town, South Africa xx

[Sharon]

This is a beautifully written post. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your children and you find strength in each other. While we have never met, I am terribly sorry for your loss, and I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[Krista]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Janis]

Dear Jennifer,
You don't know me but my heart is breaking for you. I have no words because I do know what you are going through. Just know that there is a million hugs in my heart for you.

With love,
Janis

[Sami]

I´m so sorry for your loss,how devastating when you have had your father die young and now your husband too. I just found your blog through Shauna´s Gluten free girl blog. I´m sure you will have plenty of support and friends you can count on.